Dear Reader,
Well, despite my attempts to keep my lifestyle from Aaron, he found out. Funny way too actually. That morning I had emailed my ana buddy and we happened to be talking about what if our partners found out? Later, I quickly ran to the library to get a book I had reserved and I was actually just thinking about this website and what would happen if Aaron found it when I walked in and Aaron, hands on his hips told me we needed to talk and led me to the computer with my website on it. I actually laughed at how ironic it all was. We talked for a long time, I explained why I decided I wanted to become anorexic, I explained why I lied to him about so many things (including diet pills, what I ate, when I ate, etc) and I apologized and to my surprise, he wasn't mad about me not eating, only about me lying. So, now he's actually assisting me in my attempts. Even though he doesn't like the idea and the basic principle of it, he's only requirement was that I take my vitamins every day and if I do that, he will help me. He'll even help me hide from other people about what I eat and he's actually rewarding me for not eating. He had a great idea which made me laugh but it's working so far, every time I feel like eating, we have sex. Lol. It's working and in addition, he's eating a lot healthier as well. He was going to join me in my ana, but he realized he couldn't do it, at least not for now which is totally ok.
The only problem I'm currently having is I'm worried he feels like he's constantly walking on egg shells with me. He's always afraid of saying something that'll offend me or something like that. But we talked about it today and he said it's almost a game for him to see how good he can do about saying the right thing. Lol. Strange, but oh well.
Anyway, I wanted to update this blog. Check out the forum site and join! It's a great place to interact and meet people!
Dani
Dear Readers,
I am just starting the EA program for myself, I'm not sure how it'll work for others but for me so far it's going really good. Today I have eaten very little, 12 crackers, 10 very thin sliced cheese slices, (12 pickles but they're 0 calorie pickles), and two egg whites. It's a lot to me but it's a hell of a lot less than what I was eating before. I applied the same out look I do for my drinking towards my eating. I couldn't give in to cravings. For drinking, I'm constantly reminding myself of my goals and dreams in life and if I drink, I will never reach them before it gets in the way. It's the same with food. I will never reach my weight goals and my self-control goals if I keep giving into cravings. The quote for today that has helped me the most is "don't give up what you want most for what you want at the moment". It's a powerful quote.
Also, breathing exercises helped today. I encourage everyone to do breathing exercises and also to give out positive energy. Be positive. By being positive you raise no suspicion what so ever. Anyway, that's it for today's blog. Email me at hisdyingbride@hotmail.com if you want to talk to me.
-Dani
If you would like to read my blogs, I have other websites:
xanga.com/hisdyingbride
and I have my stories posted on fictionpress.com under hisdyingbride and the story is Empty Nights.
